you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
