somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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