he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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