Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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