Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
