Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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