Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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