can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
