Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
