He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
