If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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