He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's get the cat blown out
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
