Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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