why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
