I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
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All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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