Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
