you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
