i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
