I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
