Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i drank out of a bidet.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
