I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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