I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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