She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
