Say something about gay babies.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
