For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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