it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
