I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
