I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
