and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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