I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
