Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
