My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
