Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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