I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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