Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
