Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I've blown a few things in my day
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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