she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
