You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
