All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
