Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
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I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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