btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
