Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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