I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
