I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
