just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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