smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
