I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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