bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
