My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is Oprah even human
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
