im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
