God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
