You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
