OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
