i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
