how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
