once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
