you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
