Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
