i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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