I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
