My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.