I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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