Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.