Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.