I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
