i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no, he came in my armpit
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
