What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
