if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
