I think my fart just growled at me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
