he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize