please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
