if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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