I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
