You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
