he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
