Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
