Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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