Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...