do herpes really smell.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there