Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(705): View more from Ontario

The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"

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(980): View more from North Carolina

It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.

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19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!

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(915): View more from Texas

Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?

(601): View more from Mississippi

probably "functioning vagina, must touch"

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(301): View more from Maryland

Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?

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(317): View more from Indiana

Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.

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