i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS