everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
