Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
