Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
